A Rock And A Hard Place
by sheba6086
Summary: All characters are the property of Charlaine Harris. She generously allows others to play in her sandbox. Based on an idea of Northman Maille. Out take from Need, between chapters 18 and 19. Sookie & Pam have had enough of Eric in tees & jeans.


The beautiful and generous** Northman Maille** was runner up

For me in the Support Stacie Auction

This one shot is based upon an original idea from her

It is an out take from **Need** - takes place between chapters18 and 19

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**-- A Rock And A Hard Place --**

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"So, I was reading Dear Abby and some woman was babbling on and on about what a slob her husband is and how she wished he would dress so he was fit to be seen in public. And what do you think Dear Abby told her to do?"

Sookie simply couldn't match Pam's enthusiasm for Dear Abby. Sure, it was fine if you needed something to help pass the time, but Pam was fanatical about it. Like a preacher's wife reading her daily Bible devotional. It was almost scary sometimes.

"Sookie!" Pam prodded. "If I wanted to be ignored I'd wait for Eric to be in the room before I said anything."

Sookie smiled and looked directly into Pam's eyes. "Dear Abby was about to give wardrobe advice. The both of you have my undivided attention."

Pam straightened the newspaper in front of her so she could read from it. "Good, now listen:

'Dear Wishing For A Dude With Duds,

If you want your man to upgrade his wardrobe you need

to show him your interest. Put on something nice and

when he comments, there's your chance to tell him how

much you'd like to be able to throw comments his way.'

See? That's exactly what we need to do with Eric!"

Pam had a huge smile on her face and was clearly expecting more of a reaction from Sookie.

"Eric has an amazing wardrobe." Sookie felt as though she was pointing out the obvious.

"Well, yes, he OWNS clothes, but how often does he wear anything but jeans and T-shirts?"

"He looks good in jeans and a T-shirt," Sookie said with a smirk.

Pam couldn't help but laugh. "He'd look good in a burlap bag. That's not the point," she said impatiently.

"So what's the point?" Sookie asked.

Pam shoved the newspaper in front of Sookie's face. "This! Look, right there next to Dear Abby. It's like a sign from God."

Pam was holding the paper much too closely for Sookie to read. She stepped back and almost tripped on the feet of a guy who had just come in. The guy grabbed her to keep her from falling and nearly fell over himself when he realized who he had in his hands … and that one of his hands was firmly on her butt.

"Please excuse me, Lady Northman. I'm so sorry, I didn't –"

"It's alright," she said reassuringly. "Everything's fine."

The guy scurried away and Pam complained. "Stop chattering with the peasants and listen to me! Norm Able, the Norm Able, Sookie, the designer so many male movie stars wear to all those award shows … he's coming to Shreveport next week. He's doing a tour with his summer and fall collections and this is one of his stops."

"I didn't know you watched award shows," Sookie said with a grin.

"I don't, but the pictures are always everywhere. They're impossible to escape. But what difference does that make? We need to get Eric to that show. Make him see how much better he could look. Appeal to his vanity. Look at how we over dress to come in here. He needs to raise the bar a little."

"He's coming," Sookie whispered.

They both looked up just as Eric made his entrance from his office into the main floor of the bar. He took a quick look around and headed to the front, to them.

"Good evening ladies. My love," he kissed Sookie's hand and glanced back to Pam. "You look lovely tonight, Pam. I believe Pandora has done something different with your hair."

"Jynx did it, actually. I'm surprised I came out of it alive, but she's a sweet girl and she wants to learn.

I see you're doing your part to keep the bar for men's fashion in Shreveport set stupefyingly low."

Eric raised an eyebrow and said, "I didn't realize men's fashion had a bar in Shreveport."

"If that's the case, maybe you should take it upon your self to establish one," Pam added with a smirk.

"And Sookie, what is your opinion of my attire?"

Now she was stuck between a rock and a hard place. The jeans he was wearing were her favorites, butter soft faded denim that fit so well they seemed to be painted over his butt and worn in all the right places too. Some spots were so threadbare it was enough to make a girl gasp at the thought of him making that one 'straw that broke the camel's back' move that would snap the one thread left holding them up.

Moving her eyes from his jeans to his shirt wasn't much help. It was only a light teal Tee, but it showed no mercy as it clung tight, revealing every movement made by every muscle in his chest and abdomen. Sookie had caught herself staring at his Tees more than once, which always struck her as ridiculous since she got to see him without it every night.

"Sookie?" he repeated. "Do you not have an opinion on the matter?"

"Well, umm, your jeans really are pretty worn," she began. "I mean if you move just wrong nobody here tonight would need to buy a calendar. Mr. January, in all his glory, would be right there in front of them."

"Oh! I have your calendar!" a young woman cried out as she sidled over and stood beside Sookie. "I just love –"

"Be silent, you dreadful creature!" Eric said, looking at the woman as if she'd just thrown a bucket of bugs on him. "Perhaps it escaped your attention, but a conversation was in progress before your unsolicited interruption. If you are not old enough to behave as an adult, you are not old enough to be in here. Turn around."

The woman gave him a very confused stare. Her mouth appeared to be trying to speak, but she made no sound.

Eric made a sweeping motion toward her with his hand. "Go, go."

She left and Eric returned his attention to Sookie and Pam. "So, my two favorite females are suddenly conspiring to change my clothes. Might I inquire why?"

Pam spoke up. "I thought we just had that part of the conversation?"

"Yes, I heard. It is my responsibility to the public to set a fashion example and avoid exposing myself. "

"But it's more than that, my darling," Sookie added, placing a hand on his arm for emphasis. "We all know you look amazing, no matter what you wear." That widened his grin, a thousand years old and he was still a sucker for flattery. "But just look at how hard Pam and I have to work, just to keep from looking like road kill next to you. The least you could do is put in a little effort. Not to outshine us terribly every night, but sometimes."

"Road kill? Is that not the tiniest bit extreme? But if I understand you correctly, the goal is for equality of dress. I am more than pleased to comply with your wishes, Dearest."

Sookie smiled lovingly at him. This was much easier than she'd thought it would be. Pam was very nearly giddy.

"Oliver," Eric said with a smirk.

Oliver stepped up from his position behind Sookie. "Yes, my lord."

Eric gave Sookie a sly glance. "Take the ladies to The Gap."

"What!?" Pam shrieked.

"Eric, wait!" Sookie cried, trying to maintain her grip on him, but he was pulling away and turning to leave.

"Do not bring them back until they have bought something." His gleeful laugh was maddening. "Pam, out. Oliver, carry them if you have too."

"Eric! You can't be serious!" Pam called after him. Then glaring at Oliver, she snarled, "Touch me and I'll kill you." She gathered her dignity and took Sookie's arm. "Come on."

"We're really going?"

"I suppose you could try defying him and staying here," Pam hissed. "But I have no choice."

Oliver motioned toward the door. He was enjoying this way too much. For the first time Sookie was actually tempted to slap him.

~~~~~~xxx~~~~~~xxx~~~~~~xxx~~~~~~

When Eric got home, he found Sookie in the tub, surrounded by thick, rich bubbles and the swirling scent of honeysuckle. "I noticed quite a large number of shopping bags in your closet. Did you think to punish me?"

Sookie took a washcloth from the corner shelf and squirted it with bodywash.

"Ah, I will take that as a yes." He sat on the edge of the tub, removed his shoes and socks and tossed them toward the door. "And is this punishment of a predetermined duration, or might I apply for early release?" His shirt joined his shoes.

"I'm not sure there's room for you in here," Sookie huffed, still not looking up at him.

"Far be it from me to violate the sanctity of your bath, my love. I shall resign myself to having a cold shower following my penance."

He reached into the tub and tilted Sookie's head back. Cradling her head in one hand, he scooped handfuls of water with the other to wet her hair. "Is there nothing which pleases you in all those bags? Shall I have someone take them away?" He squeezed shampoo onto her scalp.

"I like everything in the bags, Eric. But that's not the point," she complained, her stare fixed on the faucet as he began gently raking the shampoo through her hair

"I've not forgotten the points. You and Pam have grown weary of my choice in evening wear. And you wish to avert a scandal caused by an untoward quantity of my flesh being displayed to the public."

Sookie finally looked at him. "You're not improving your chances of being invited to join me in here."

"A thousand apologies, Lady Northman. I had no assurance you could be recompensed." His long fingers curried through her hair and massaged her scalp.

"Mmmm," she sighed. "I don't know what that means, but if it means 'I'm sorry', I forgive you."

He stood and slipped out of his seductively faded jeans. "It means I was not certain if you could be repaid for your suffering."

"I'll live," she murmured as he stepped into the tub and sat behind her.

"I am pleased to hear it. Turn around."

Sookie turned to face him, and he crossed his legs behind her. "Lay back," he instructed.

He held her back with one hand while reaching forward to turn on the water to rinse her hair with the other. When the water ran free of suds, he folded himself over her and kissed between her breasts. "If you would consent to satisfy my curiosity, Dearest, what was it the two of you wanted, exactly?" He took a nipple in his mouth and sucked lightly.

Sookie gasped and took a few seconds to adjust to the sensations rippling through her. "Just to get you to dress up more. "

He lifted his head only slightly, so his lips teased her nipple as he spoke. "I see. So I suppose you had planned to take me shopping?"

"Oh, do we have to talk while you're doing that?"

"Would you like me to stop?"

"Don't you dare."

"Then, yes."

The underside of his tongue dragged slowly across her nipple before he lapped and began to suckle. His hands gripped her tighter and she could feel him growing hard beneath her.

She moaned her appreciation and caressed the length of his back as she panted her response. "We wanted to take you to a men's fashion show next week."

"I would be delighted to attend. Now was it not much easier to simply ask?" He lifted his head and waited for her to answer.

He didn't have to wait long. Her hands moved to either side of his face. "Duly noted," she breathed before attacking his mouth with hers.

~~~~~~xxx~~~~~~xxx~~~~~~xxx~~~~~~

"Stop asking me that! I don't know where he is. He told me he'd be here and he's bound to be on his way because I can feel him. So he's not far."

"Well, this is just perfect," Pam snapped. "The spring collection will be first and he'll miss it. I knew we should have made him come with us."

"I doubt either of us could make him do anything."

"Don't bother me with trivialities when I'm irritated, Sookie." Pam craned her neck and looked around to all three entrances to the hotel ballroom. "What exactly did he say when he said he'd be here? Did he say he'd be here for the whole show or just that he'd be here?"

"He said he'd be delighted to attend." Sookie tugged on Pam's dress and whispered to her. "Sit down, people are starting to stare. I'm sure he'll be here."

Pam plopped into her seat and glared at Sookie. "Oh, he's such a snake. Delighted to attend, my ass. He can say something like that and as long as he shows up for any time at all, he's off the hook."

There was a loud squeak of a microphone and a tall middle-aged woman began to speak. "Ladies and gentlemen, honored guests, the Shreveport Crafton Hotel is proud to present, World famous fashion designer Norm Able's Summer and Fall collections, from his Designing The American Male line.

First out, we have Beau, wearing khaki ---"

Sookie tuned the announcer out as Beau strutted down the runway. She wasn't as angry as Pam, who sat seething beside her, her eyes darting back and forth between the doors. Sookie was disappointed. She was hurt. This was the first time Eric had told her he would do something and then he didn't. That miserable ache combined with the gnawing in the pit of her stomach stripped any pleasure she might have taken from attending her first real fashion show.

The beiges, corals and other light summer shades gave way to the darker browns and blues of fall. It had to be almost over and still no Eric. Pam had long since stopped speaking and had thrown all her energy into rhythmically pounding her fist on her leg in time to the background music.

Sookie was deeply involved in fighting back angry tears when she caught someone else thinking about Eric. She snapped to attention and glanced around the room.

"And now our final model shows us you don't have to live in a large metropolitan area to put your best foot forward and make the night your own."

The announcer? He was … what the hell? Sookie clutched her stomach and looked up in disbelief just as Eric walked out from behind the stage curtain.

"Wearing a midnight blue silk tuxedo, we have Shreveport's own Mr. January, Sheriff of Louisiana, Eric Northman."

After she said his name, the woman could have been reading the ingredients label off a can of dog food and Sookie wouldn't have known it. She was far too busy trying to keep her jaw off the floor.

"Now that's more like it," she heard Pam say, as if she'd been expecting this all along.

Eric gave Sookie a quick wink as he sauntered by her wearing a grin sexier than any garment hanging perfectly on him. How long had he known about this? Even he wouldn't have been able to pull this little trick off at the last minute. Arrangements for this show had to have been made weeks if not months in advance.

When the designer had been introduced and all the models came out for their final strut down the catwalk, waiters carrying trays of cocktails began milling about. Sookie and Pam were standing near the center of the room when Eric came to join them, grinning ear to ear and wearing the khaki suit from the beginning of the show.

"I suppose it would have been too much to ask, for you to have told us you were doing this?" Sookie asked. She tried to look annoyed, but she couldn't hold it. She laughed and wrapped an arm around his waist.

"Where would the fun have been in that, my love? They contacted local photographers a couple of months ago looking for models. Our calendar photographer submitted my picture, they called and here we are." He gave Sookie a squeeze and nodded politely at a woman who complimented him on his performance.

"I don't know what I'm gonna do with you," Sookie said with a giggle.

He leaned over and whispered in her ear. "If you've not thought of anything by the time we get home, I'll offer suggestions," he said with a wicked laugh.


End file.
